How to Increase Your Chances

Ok, guys. This one is just for you.  Here’s the scenario. You finally get your courage up to ask the woman you’ve been thinking about to go out. Next time you see or talk to her, you bravely pop the question. And then she utters the word every man dreads hearing – “No”. Your face drops. You spirits drop. Rejection.

Well, I want you to know that I feel for you. I really do. I know it takes a lot to ask a woman to go out. So, after a few recent, let’s say, failed attempts, I thought I’d share some advice that might improve your chances of getting a positive response. Are you ready?

1) Be confident, but not cocky. Get to know her a bit first before you ask her out so she feels comfortable with you and is assured you’re not one of those stalker dudes.

2)  Find out what her interests are. She is more likely to say yes to an outing if it is something you both are interested in, not just something you are interested in. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant dinner at a fancy restaurant, but it better not be the local bar and grill or hotdog joint either.

3) Give her some advance notice especially when you are first dating. Now, I am all for spontaneity, but waiting till saturday morning or worse, saturday afternoon to ask a woman out on a saturday night is a little, let’s say, thoughtless. Most women, especially working women, plan out their free time ahead of time, ya know what I mean? Are you expecting her to drop everything to go out with you at the last minute? Come on now.

4) Keep trying. If at first you don’t succeed, and she says no, ask her directly if she is interested in going out with you at all. That way, you’ll know if she is just putting you off or if it was just your timing that was off. Capish? Most of us gals try our best not to hurt your feelings and we try to be as tactful as possible. The direct approach is always preferable.

Gals, if you have any other tips for the guys, drop us a note and let us know. Guys, if you have anything you’d like to share with us gals about the dating thing, drop us a note as well. Until next time, happy dating and remember, we gotta kiss a lot of frogs and frogettes  until we find Prince(ess) Charming!

 

 

The Grass is Not Always Greener

 Ah, we always want what we don’t have, isn’t that so true? Singles long to be married and married folk long for their single days.  As a single, many of us in our quest for “the one” tend to overlook the great positives there are in being single.  I have traveled both sides of the road, so to speak,  so today I’d like to encourage those of us who are single to enjoy our status.

As a single, I am free and independent.  I can go anywhere I want, when I want, and not have to “account” to anyone. The down side is I don’t always have a companion or someone to share the wonderful experiences with but I have learned to enjoy being by myself. I am good company!

When I get home from work, I know the house will be as neat or as messy as I left it. It will be quiet for sure – an oasis from the hectic pace of the office. Now some folks don’t like to come to an empty house, but to me, it’s my own little piece of heaven. Kick off my shoes and make myself a nice little candlelight dinner.

Thirdly, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s fiscal irresponsibility. I have learned to be responsible for my finances, make my own decisions, and carefully monitor my expenditures.  There is no spendthrift other party or tightwad spouse I need to concern myself with.

So, dear friends, if you are single and bemoaning the fact, please stop. Enjoy the life you have today. Make the most of it, reach for your dreams and remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side and besides, you still have to mow it!

Drop me a note and say hello. I’d love to hear from you and in the meantime, keep looking up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Hope You Dance

Life as a single can be lonely at times, can’t it? I have contemplated getting a dog to keep me company, but I really don’t need more responsibilities at this point in my life. Yes, they are cute and yes, they are lovable. But I can’t see myself confined to  a dog’s potty schedule. So I opt to go dancing on the weekends.

Dancing is so much fun! It is great exercise, stress-relief and I get to connect with the opposite sex in a non-threatening environment.  It’s a great way to meet new people and there are so many different dance venues. 

For singles, dancing is a wonderful activity because most of the time, you don’t need a date. There are usually plenty of singles around to dance with.  A tip to both you guys and gals out there, let’s get over our shyness and start asking each other to dance more often. It’s only a 3-minute commitment after all

I love variety. One weekend I might go east coast swing dancing. Another zydeco dancing. Ballroom is an option I’ve done for years. Then there’s country line dancing for those not yet ready for couples’ dancing.

My favorite dances these days are west coast swing, international tango and bolero. Now I have to admit, I don’t get much opportunity to do the last two, so I guess I’ll have to plan a trip to Argentina some time soon. It’s on the bucket list.

So, next time you are looking for something fun to do,why not consider dancing? Most venues offer a free beginner class at the beginning of each dance to get you started. It’s a great confidence builder on top of it all.

Until next time, I hope you dance!

 

 

 

Will You Speak Up?

Do you have difficulty speaking up for yourself? Expressing your true thoughts, fears, and feelings? Well, you’re not alone.  

After years of holding things in, ignoring my feelings, and basically, being a doormat,  I have finally learned to speak up. I am no longer afraid to voice my opinion in meetings and with others and say what I want and don’t want, and I have stopped worrying about pleasing  people.  It takes courage, but it gets easier with practice.

Contrary to the way many of us were raised, our thoughts and feelings are important. We have them for a reason and the reason is to help us understand ourselves and the world around us. They are not meant to be ignored. Of course,  the caveat is we need to be careful how and when we speak up, not to blurt out words of anger  in the heat of the moment.  We need to learn to manage our emotions but that is a topic for another day.

Pent up emotions are like a bottle of champagne that’s been shaken up, just waiting to explode when the cork is pulled. And that is not conducive  to healthy relationships with our friends, family, and significant other.

When I express my feelings instead of holding them in or worse, ignoring them, the other person knows where I stand. There is no confusion or ambiguity and misunderstandings are cleared up. Honesty truly is the best policy.

So if you want better relationships, less misunderstandings and more intimacy, I encourage you to speak up. A good way to get comfortable with this is to journal your thoughts and feelings on paper and then work up to speaking them out loud. Start with simple topics such as your preference on where to dine on a date, or how long to hang on the phone with a windy friend.  If I can learn to do it, so can you.

Would love to hear from you on this  or any other topic , so do send a comment and as Madonna says  ”Express yourself!”

 

Make It Count

 2012 is here with its promises and it’s pressures. Which will you focus on?

Are you going to let the daily grind consume you? Allow distractions  and demands to keep you from doing what you really want to do in life? Is your focus on making a buck or making a difference?  As Tom Brokaw puts it “It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot harder to make a difference.”

My challenge to you and to myself is to make this year count! Don’t let another year roll by without doing something that really matters to you, something that will make a difference in your life and perhaps the lives of others.

What is your dream, your vision, your heart’s desire? Whatever it is, go after it. Pursue it. You have the strength, the wisdom, and the courage to go out there and conquer the world! And as a single, you also have the time to do it.

So what are you waiting for? Make a plan, put action steps to it, and then step out. I’m behind you all the way. Drop me a note, a question, or a comment anytime.  Happy 2012 and let’s all MAKE IT COUNT!

 

Staying Jolly During the Holidays

Tis the holiday season and a time of celebrating with friends and loved ones,  gift-giving and shopping, and, of course, plenty of parties to attend.  But being single and without a “significant other”, this can be a difficult season to get through.  Not to fret, here are some suggestions I use to help keep me in good spirits and to remind myself that I am never alone and that someone always needs me.

1) Buy gifts for others without expecting a gift in return – it is true that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Watching someone else open a beautifully-wrapped gift delights me more than opening one myself.

2) Volunteer or donate to my favorite charities. There are so many more people in dire need this year. This helps me to focus on my many blessings and how my life could be so much worse.

3) Participate in activities outside my comfort zone. A change of pace and faces helps me to meet new people and try new things. Puts a little zing in life and gives me something to look forward to.

4) Don those festive holiday earrings, ties, and reindeer antlers or hats. Fun jewelry and attire can bring a smile to someone’s face and isn’t that what it’s all about anyway?

Do  share your tips for staying jolly during the holidays with us and if you get lonely, you can always drop me a note. I’d love to hear from you.  Until next time, know that you are loved and share that love with someone else this season!

 

 

Do You Know What You Want?

Hello, friends. Sorry I’ve been neglecting you. Have been busy getting my first book ready for publishing. 

I was talking with a male friend today about knowing what we want out of a relationship. I shared that I have dated men who kept me hanging for months with occasional phone calls or suggesting we have lunch, but nothing ever materialized. In the meantime, I got my hopes up thinking there could be a possible “relationship” in the works. Ever happen to you?

It seems many people enter into relationships without a clear vision of what they want. They aimlessly drift in and out of  them and then wonder what the problem is. Or they hang on to one for the sake of “not being alone”.  Frankly, I think that is both unfair and dishonest. When I realize something is not working, I end it. What is the point? Hanging on to someone out of fear or loneliness is a cop out.  Yeah, I call it as I see it.

Before starting any kind of relationship, it is important to be very clear about what you want out of it AND to communicate that information up front and clearly to the other person. And if you are not sure about what you want, communicate that as well. This will prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the road. 

Sad to say, many  have endured undue anguish due to the other party not knowing what he or she wants. I would venture to say that women give more thought to this than the average guy. Men, on the other hand, are  a different story, would you agree?

 Do you think about what you want out of a relationship before you start it? Do you get carried away with the excitement and sexual frenzy of a new romance? Have you considered the pain you may be causing the other person when you waffle and send mixed messages?  Drop me a note, as I am sure I have ruffled some feathers out there and I’m open to hearing your side. In the meantime, let’s all be a bit more thoughtful of the “other party” before we initiate something, shall we?

Tell Me What You Want

Ok, ladies. It’s your turn. Now guys, don’t go run off because this is for you too. Both sexes need to be able to communicate their needs to their significant other.

Gals, don’t think your guy is a mind-reader. He’s not. And to be honest, some are REALLY CLUELESS. Now, I don’t mean that in a mean way, guys, honestly, but it is true. Guys’ brains don’t think the ways women’s brains do. We are wired differently, right?

So what does that mean to us gals who are so wanting the men in our lives to pay attention to us, talk to us, listen to us, make us a priority in their lives, and cuddle with us when we’re upset? It means if they are not doing it, we have to let them know what we want.

Ever see the movie with Mel Gibson entitled “What Women Want”? Highly recommend it if you haven’t. It is hysterical. Anyway, guys need to be told what we want which means we women have to know what we want and be willing to express ourselves to them in a kind, gentle, and respectful way.

Timing is key. Don’t wait till you are boiling over with frustration and scream and yell at them. If you are frustrated with the guy in your life, take responsibility and start communicating more. Don’t expect them to be able to guess what you want and need. I was upset about something recently and a guy said to me “I didn’t think about it”. I wanted to take his head off and shake it.

Most men are so busy thinking about other things, they are not thinking about “the relationship”. Women on the other hand are constantly thinking about “the relationship”, right? That’s because women are nurturers and pleasers and want everybody to just get along, am I correct?

Anyway, bottom line is both sexes need to express themselves better and more frequently to each other.  It helps get people on the same “wavelength” and prevents misunderstandings and hurt feelings. So do write and express yourself to me! Love to hear from you!

 

Express Yourself

Madonna certainly knew what she was talking about when she sang about love and men expressing themselves, didn’t she? Why is it that some guys are so hesitate about expressing their feelings to a woman? I know men are wired differently but does that really explain it all?

Now, I am not saying that ALL men have a problem in this area, but many of you do, and you know who you are, right?

Some men have no problem professing their undying love. I dated a guy like that once. He would write me poetry, send me two dozen long-stemmed roses and bring flowers quite regularly.  He was definitely a cards and letters kind of guy – quite the romantic for sure. Talk about being spoiled rotten. He also did the expensive jewelry thing but unfortunately he bought me what he liked and not what I liked, but that’s a story for another time.

But then there are others of you out there who do have some difficulty in this arena. For you single never-marrieds I can understand and have a bit more grace for you. You don’t have as much experience. But how about you guys out there who are divorced or widowed? Come on, how many times did you tell your wife you loved her a day? Once, twice, never?

I know the old adage “action speaks louder than words”, but guess what? Most women need to hear the words. Really. Back it up with your actions, of course, but the two go together.

So this post is to encourage all you guys out there to go ahead and take the plunge to express to the gal in your life how you really feel about her. What have you got to lose? She may be waiting for you to let her know how you really feel and if you don’t do it, you stand the chance of losing her to someone else. How would you feel about that?

Expressing your feelings takes a bit of courage for sure. But I know you guys are strong enough to handle it and who knows?It could really be the start of something wonderful but you’ll never know until you take that leap of faith.

Next time, I’ll talk to the gals about expressing ourselves as well. So don’t think you’re off the hook, ladies. Take care, have courage, and drop me a note anytime. Love to hear how it went!

 

 

Quality or Quantity?

How many shoes do you have in your closet? Do you have a gazillion pairs of boots, shoes, and sandals in all sorts of colors, styles, and prices to go with each and every outfit? Some of which your rarely wear? Or do you have a few well-made pairs in the basic colors that go with everything?

When I buy shoes, I’m looking for quality: they must be practical, comfortable, and sturdy enough to last thru the rigors of walking, dancing, whatever.  

Now consider this. How many  friends do you have? Do you have one for every activity: one to talk to, one to go out with, one to be intimate with, one to have fun with? Or do you prefer to have one special person with whom you enjoy being with no matter what?

In a similiar way, when I am looking for a guy to spend time with, I’m looking for one thing: quality. To me, that means someone who treats me like a lady, respects me for who I am, and is willing to last through the hills and valleys that all relationships go through.

I guess it all boils down to what we really want in life, doesn’t it? Just like it took me 5 hrs to find that pair of sandals at the beach, it has taken me a long time to get clear on what I am looking for in a partner. Let me know what you consider to be your perfect match and I’m not asking about your shoes here, ok