10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship

Relationships can be a dream or a nightmare and it can be very difficult to navigate the waters. This may explain why the number of single Americans continues to grow. Did you know that singles make up over half of the United States population?
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Some 124.6 million Americans were single in August, 2014. Now that is quite an impressive statistic. As a long-time divorced lady, I have some experience with what can possibly go wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, we miss the obvious “red flags” because we are a) lonely b)already smitten or c)clueless. As they say, love is blind. So in an attempt to remove the blindfold, and keep my fellow single friends from going through unnecessary pain and angst, today I am going to share 10 signs that indicate you may be in the wrong relationship. I am writing from a woman’s point of view, but many of these signs can just as well apply to women for my male readers.

1. The guy never has money to pay your way.
You are a treasure, a gift, and your presence deserves to be honored. If a guy always asks you to pay, he may not be able to afford you.

2. Your partner tells “little white lies”. I’m sorry, but a lie is a lie. If someone is withholding information or distorting the facts, they are lying. If the person is compelled to not tell the whole truth about small situations, what is going to happen when something big comes up?

3. The person only talks about himself. Nothing is more boring than to spend an evening listening to a guy go on and on about himself, his accolades, his children, his wealth, ya da ya da ya da. If the guy doesn’t show an equal amount of interest in you, my dear girl, right from the get go, he is not going to later on. This behavior indicates a possible narcissistic personality and is unhealthy, so run!

4. The guy wants to get you in bed early on. Ok, I admit I am a bit old school and I know times are changing. However! I still live by my mother’s old adage “Why should he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” Sleeping with a guy is no guarantee he is going to stay with you. In fact, if he is pestering you early on for sex, that is a clear indicator of his true motives. Move on.

5. The guy drinks a lot, smokes a lot, eats a lot, uses drugs or gambles a lot. These are all addictive behaviors and you are not going to be the one to “fix him”. If your beau displays any of these behaviors to excess, again – move on!

6. He can’t seem to hold a steady job. I once dated a guy who had a four-page resume. There was always some excuse why the job didn’t work out. You have to ask yourself “What is the common denominator?” Now I don’t mean if a poor guy loses his job, you should dump him. What I mean is if the guy has a string of jobs that only last a short time and then he is out looking again, tell him to look in the mirror first and move on!

7. He has a lot of female “friends”. Typically when a guy tells you “She’s just a friend,” that usually means she is an ex-girlfriend. And if she is still hanging around, she is still interested in him. You want a guy who only has eyes for you, a guy who has long-term relationships. You do not want a playboy, a player, or a Casanova romeo. Unless, of course, you want your heart broken.

8. The guy offers to buy you. I once was told “If we get together, you’ll never have to worry about money again,”. It was all I could do not to gag. This is a manipulative ploy wealthy men use to get a woman. Any self-respecting female can support herself and does not need to be “taken care of” by a man. Times have changed, and no longer do women look to men to provide for them. Women today are looking for deeper values such as commitment, communication, intimacy and such.

9. Your friend has a critical spirit. He makes cutting or sarcastic remarks at your expense and then brushes it off by saying “I was only joking with you,” or “Can’t you take a joke?” Sorry, buddy. No dice. Sarcasm is a sign of insecurity. A secure man will never undermine his lady in any way. It is not funny. It is petty and unacceptable. Again, move on. It will only get worse as time goes by.

10. Last but not least, do not get involved with a man who is already in another relationship. I consider being separated still being married. I do not want to be the reason someone’s marriage dissolves. If a guy is seeing another woman “on the side”, you don’t want him. Love triangles only bring heartache and pain. Find someone who is unattached and available. The last thing you need in a budding romance is drama.

Ok, so there you have it. Ten signs you are in the wrong relationship. I’m speaking from personal experience on a lot of these and hope this post has opened your eyes to see if any of these could be true in your relationship. The sooner you spot these signs and get out, the quicker you will be able to move on to find Mr. Wonderful.

When we find the inner power we all possess, we will be more confident in our choices and find the courage to say no to unhealthy situations. Love to hear your thoughts on this post. Until next time, keep looking up and do click on the like icon so I know you enjoyed this post.

Top 4 Ways Not To Get a Second Date

You’ve finally mustered up the courage to ask your dream girl out on a date and she said yes. Congratulations! You’ve taken a major step. The next thing to do is to make that first date so memorable, you won’t have any qualms asking for a second one.

As a gal who’s been on my share of first dates, to help you single guys out, here are some things my dates have done that have been a total turn-off. I know you probably may not even realize how these comments and behaviors come across to your date, so let me enlighten you to the faux-pas that definitely turn off the female sex.

1.  Make a negative comment about your date’s attire, hair, make-up, or general appearance.  Such comments as “Why are you wearing that?” start you off with a big minus in the points department. If you don’t care for what your date is wearing, best to say nothing at all and try to look beyond the superficial.

2. Talk the entire time about yourself. Nothing is more boring that listen to someone rave about themselves the entire time. A conversation is a two-way street, not a monologue. Be sure to ask about her interests, life, and preferences and then make sure you listen to her responses.

3. Have a roving eye. A woman wants a man whose attention is focused on her: not on the television screen, your cell phone, or God forbid, other women. When you look her in the eye, smile when she is speaking, and stay present and connected, you are cementing your chances for a second date.

4. Expect your date to pay. When a guy asks a girl out, she is making time out of her busy schedule to spend time with you. The least you can do is pay the bill. The last thing you want to do is give the impression you are a cheapskate. When a guy pays the bill, the lady feels cared for, respected, and appreciated. In other words, you earn big points psychologically speaking.

So there you have them. The top four ways to ensure you won’t get a second date with the woman of your dreams. Avoid these pitfalls, guys, and you just may be her Prince Charming. Happy dating and do post a comment if you enjoyed this post.

 

 

The Best Valentine’s Gift

It’s February and the month of one of my favorite holidays – Valentine’s Day. While many dream of chocolates, flowers, and expensive jewelry, to me Valentine’s Day is a reminder that the greatest gift we can give another is to be loving.

What does it mean to be loving? Is it that electric feeling you get when you are attracted to someone? Is it all the glitz and glam Hollywood portrays it to be?
Is it always having a date on a Saturday night? I think not.

Loving is an intentional choice we make on a daily basis. It requires stepping out of one’s self-absorbed world and into the world, cares, and concerns of another human being. It takes putting aside my desires for the desires of the beloved. It’s not always easy to be loving nor does it come naturally. Loving involves taking risk, being vulnerable, and getting hurt from time to time. Who was it that said “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”?

The difficult thing to understand about love is that those people who hurt us the most are ultimately our greatest teachers. It takes great strength to be able to love someone who has hurt you deeply, disregarded your feelings, or just plain acted like a jerk. It is when our hearts have been crushed and our spirits wounded, that we learn to muster up the courage to forgive, to trust again, and to open our hearts once more. Yet this is how we learn to truly love.

So this Valentine’s Day, yes, I wish you chocolates to your heart’s content, dozens of roses, and the finest jewelry. But most of all, as a single, I wish you the glorious opportunity to reach out to someone and to experience what it truly means to love another. Bake cookies for a homebound neighbor. Drop a card in the mail to a friend or even the postman. Throw a party and invite all your single friends. There are so many ways to extend love and the world is so desperate to see what it truly means. Happy Valentine’s Day and I wish you love!

5 Benefits to Being Single

The holidays are over and it’s back to life as usual. Just in case you might be feeling a little down this weekend, I thought I’d share a few of the benefits I find in living the single life in hopes of making you realize there are some definite perks in sailing solo. In no particular order, here they are.

#1 I can always get a seat, no matter how crowded the theatre or the restaurant may be. There is always room for one person. Have you noticed couples tend to leave one seat between them in theatres?

#2 I don’t always have to wear makeup or look like a million bucks around the house.

#3 I can make whatever I want for dinner. For years, I was always cooking for others and asking the eternal question “What would you like for dinner?” Now I ask myself!

#3 I can dance with my male friends and no one will get jealous. No more jealous boyfriends watching my every move. No more having someone ask me to lead.

#4 I don’t have to worry about someone snoring at night AND I have the entire bed to myself. Of course, I do get cold some nights…

#5 The toilet seat is always down 🙂 I guess I’m used to it and I did train my sons. But somehow it just looks, I don’t know, more tidy with the seat down.

Now this post was meant to make you laugh a bit and realize our happiness really is all about perspective and attitude. Whether we are single or coupled up, we each make our own happiness. Happiness is a choice, despite our circumstances. So whatever state you find yourself today – smile, sing, and dance to your heart’s content. Give out joy and love and it will return to you many fold! Question for the week: What do you enjoy about being single?

6 Tips for Surviving the Holidays as a Single

Hello, friends. I’ve decided to return to the world of writing for singles. I know I need all the encouragement I can get so I’m going to start by encouraging you. It’s the holiday season and a tough time for many of us, but there are ways to make the holidays a bit more enjoyable even if you are flying solo.

1. Take care of yourself. Get a massage, a new hairstyle, or a facial. Pampering yourself is a feel good activity.

2. Spend time with your married friends. They enjoy a fresh perspective most of the time.

3. Serve someone else. Plenty of good causes need your time and money. Your local church or community center is good place to start.

4. Start your New Year’s resolutions early. Get a jump start on losing weight, managing your finances, or pursuing your business. The excitement you feel will counteract any negative thoughts.

5. Smile. Did you know smiling increases those endorphins which reduce stress and anxiety levels? Smiling signals the brain to relax the mind and the body. Try it even when you don’t feel like it.

6. Make extra time to meditate, pray and reflect. When we stop and take stock of our lives, we realize how really good we have it after all. There are so many benefits to being single that many married people wish they were in our shoes. Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side, whichever side you’re on.

If this post has encouraged you, send it to a friend. Until next time, keep looking up!

 

Never Give Up!

No doubt about it – being a single woman in today’s world is tough! Just got back from yet another business trip this year. Even my boss acknowledged the fact that our team is doing a LOT of traveling this year.

Besides being mentally and physically exhausted from almost a week away from home, I’m rushing to catch up on everything – again! It is a constant struggle to keep up with the paperwork, the bills, the home and car repairs, not to mention trying to eat healthy, exercise and keep the house clean.It is quite a load on one person.

On the bright side, I am so thankful to have my job. It allows me to live in a beautiful home, enjoy vacations, and buy things without too much worry. These days having a job is a big deal! I feel so sorry for the college grads and many others who cannot find a job.

So, when I’m tempted to throw in the towel and chuck it all, I pause and take a moment to reflect on the many blessings in my life. We are all in a battle of some sort and the trick is to keep fighting the good fight. As the famous Winston Churchill once said,”Never NEVER give up!”

Drop me a note and let me know what kinds of battles you are facing. Let’s all encourage one another because life as a single is tough and we all need one another.

 

 

 

 

Singles Beware!

Internet dating sites are cropping up everywhere and the singles scene is a money-making arena. But it is also turning into a breeding ground for scam artists. Here’s a story that happened to a friend of mine recently that I want to share to make you all aware of how some low-life’s are trying to prey on single women.

My friend joined a singles dating website – a Christian singles website, no less. She gets an email from a guy who says he’s from Greece. He writes her this long love letter basically saying everything a woman wants to hear. She starts falling for him and suddenly his profile disappears from the website. Confused and saddened she wonders what’s up. Then he calls her. Having a foreign accent, my friend believes everything he tells her and sends me an email with all his details.

1) First clue – he said he was Greek and a devout Catholic. Warning! Being Greek myself, I knew there was no such thing. Greeks are raised Greek Orthodox, not Catholic.

2) Second clue – odd last name – Abraham.

3) The clincher – his phone number was one of those scam 234 numbers from Nigeria.

Singles – ladies and gents – because this is happening with both sexes, be extra careful when contacting strangers via internet dating sites. Get all the information you can from them and then check it all out. The next step was this guy was going to ask my friend for money. It’s been on the news. Caring and compassionate women are sending money to “help” out total strangers. Don’t do it!!!!

If you want to help someone out, do it through a legal institution like the Red Cross, Care, or World Vision. There are plenty of children out there who could use a good meal. Save yourself some heartache and some money and do your homework.

Ok, just had to write a post on this sick scam. There are plenty of nice people out there so don’t let a few bad apples deter you from finding the love of your life!

 

 

How to Increase Your Chances

Ok, guys. This one is just for you.  Here’s the scenario. You finally get your courage up to ask the woman you’ve been thinking about to go out. Next time you see or talk to her, you bravely pop the question. And then she utters the word every man dreads hearing – “No”. Your face drops. You spirits drop. Rejection.

Well, I want you to know that I feel for you. I really do. I know it takes a lot to ask a woman to go out. So, after a few recent, let’s say, failed attempts, I thought I’d share some advice that might improve your chances of getting a positive response. Are you ready?

1) Be confident, but not cocky. Get to know her a bit first before you ask her out so she feels comfortable with you and is assured you’re not one of those stalker dudes.

2)  Find out what her interests are. She is more likely to say yes to an outing if it is something you both are interested in, not just something you are interested in. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant dinner at a fancy restaurant, but it better not be the local bar and grill or hotdog joint either.

3) Give her some advance notice especially when you are first dating. Now, I am all for spontaneity, but waiting till saturday morning or worse, saturday afternoon to ask a woman out on a saturday night is a little, let’s say, thoughtless. Most women, especially working women, plan out their free time ahead of time, ya know what I mean? Are you expecting her to drop everything to go out with you at the last minute? Come on now.

4) Keep trying. If at first you don’t succeed, and she says no, ask her directly if she is interested in going out with you at all. That way, you’ll know if she is just putting you off or if it was just your timing that was off. Capish? Most of us gals try our best not to hurt your feelings and we try to be as tactful as possible. The direct approach is always preferable.

Gals, if you have any other tips for the guys, drop us a note and let us know. Guys, if you have anything you’d like to share with us gals about the dating thing, drop us a note as well. Until next time, happy dating and remember, we gotta kiss a lot of frogs and frogettes  until we find Prince(ess) Charming!

 

 

The Grass is Not Always Greener

 Ah, we always want what we don’t have, isn’t that so true? Singles long to be married and married folk long for their single days.  As a single, many of us in our quest for “the one” tend to overlook the great positives there are in being single.  I have traveled both sides of the road, so to speak,  so today I’d like to encourage those of us who are single to enjoy our status.

As a single, I am free and independent.  I can go anywhere I want, when I want, and not have to “account” to anyone. The down side is I don’t always have a companion or someone to share the wonderful experiences with but I have learned to enjoy being by myself. I am good company!

When I get home from work, I know the house will be as neat or as messy as I left it. It will be quiet for sure – an oasis from the hectic pace of the office. Now some folks don’t like to come to an empty house, but to me, it’s my own little piece of heaven. Kick off my shoes and make myself a nice little candlelight dinner.

Thirdly, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s fiscal irresponsibility. I have learned to be responsible for my finances, make my own decisions, and carefully monitor my expenditures.  There is no spendthrift other party or tightwad spouse I need to concern myself with.

So, dear friends, if you are single and bemoaning the fact, please stop. Enjoy the life you have today. Make the most of it, reach for your dreams and remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side and besides, you still have to mow it!

Drop me a note and say hello. I’d love to hear from you and in the meantime, keep looking up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Hope You Dance

Life as a single can be lonely at times, can’t it? I have contemplated getting a dog to keep me company, but I really don’t need more responsibilities at this point in my life. Yes, they are cute and yes, they are lovable. But I can’t see myself confined to  a dog’s potty schedule. So I opt to go dancing on the weekends.

Dancing is so much fun! It is great exercise, stress-relief and I get to connect with the opposite sex in a non-threatening environment.  It’s a great way to meet new people and there are so many different dance venues. 

For singles, dancing is a wonderful activity because most of the time, you don’t need a date. There are usually plenty of singles around to dance with.  A tip to both you guys and gals out there, let’s get over our shyness and start asking each other to dance more often. It’s only a 3-minute commitment after all 🙂

I love variety. One weekend I might go east coast swing dancing. Another zydeco dancing. Ballroom is an option I’ve done for years. Then there’s country line dancing for those not yet ready for couples’ dancing.

My favorite dances these days are west coast swing, international tango and bolero. Now I have to admit, I don’t get much opportunity to do the last two, so I guess I’ll have to plan a trip to Argentina some time soon. It’s on the bucket list.

So, next time you are looking for something fun to do,why not consider dancing? Most venues offer a free beginner class at the beginning of each dance to get you started. It’s a great confidence builder on top of it all.

Until next time, I hope you dance!